I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Arches National Park is probably not the most originally named park in the whole of America, with the possible exception of Nothing To See Here National Park, Alaska. It is, however, accurate. It's a national park, and it's full of arches, so I really don't think you're likely to be taking anybody to court for fraud on this one. If you turned up at Arches National Park to find it full of spires, mesas or sixty foot inflatable crocodiles, you might have something to say - but you won't, because it's full of arches. I just wanted to make that clear.

The actual conditions under which the arches of the park formed are so ridiculously unlikely that they almost certainly prove the existence of God. No, of course they don't - I made that up. I simply couldn't resist the temptation to make another reference to the fact that you can't walk fifty yards in Utah without somebody asking you if you've found Jesus yet. To be fair, I might be exaggerating somewhat for comic effect - all things considered, the only way you're likely to see another human being in this part of the country is if you're on an organised tour or happen to have stopped off at a tourist site, so if anybody ever does suddenly appear from behind a rock to ask you if you've found Jesus, then it might actually be a good idea to give them a little of your time because they are probably lost in the desert and looking for their Mexican friend.

It's difficult to know where to start when listing the features of Arches National Park, because you'll have fallen into a coma long before I get even half way through. Over 2000 natural sandstone arches call the park home, and after you've been here for half an hour or so you begin to realise that it's pretty much impossible to turn your head without falling over in surprise at what you see. There really is no point in taking the time to turn to your travelling companion to say "Wow, look at that", because in doing so you'll almost always see something even more improbable over their shoulder. As you can imagine, recreational activities are highly regulated within the park, due to the delicate nature of almost everything in sight - since the 70s, nearly 50 of the arches have collapsed under their own weight or finally given in to erosion - so hiking, mountain biking and the like can only be done in designated places and with just the right permit signed in triplicate by just the right bureaucrat. Climbing, of course, is strictly prohibited for obvious reasons - and, to be honest, anyone wanting to climb all over a precarious piece of overhanging rock several hundred feet off the ground probably deserves everything they get anyway - although there seem to be plenty of people willing to take the risk in the name of extreme sports. In 2006, presumably to make some sort of political point and certainly not out of any sort of respect for the delicate state of one of the park's best loved landmarks, a man called Dean Potter scaled the world famous Delicate Arch and was promptly arrested before being released again shortly afterwards when somebody with a law degree pointed out that the wording in the park's regulations wasn't actually enforceable and that the rules against climbing on the arches could only be read as suggestions rather than rules. This sort of nonsense happens all the time in the world of politics. Conversely, the rather less common sport of slack lining was very clearly forbidden - a practice whereby somebody with a death wish anchors a tightrope between two upright rock faces and walks across it from one side to the other while trying not to think about all the nasty jagged rocks hundreds of feet below. Although, to be honest, if you ever do see anybody attempting to secure a tightrope between two fragile wafer thin pieces of rock, it's probably best to just let them get on with it because they're probably far too stupid to listen to anything you have to say on the subject, anyway.

As mentioned above, probably the most famous of the arches in Arches National Park is the aptly named Delicate Arch - and I really must apologise at this stage for the fact that it's impossible to write anything about Arches National Park without mentioning the word "arches" every other word, as you might have noticed. Delicate Arch is known not only for its precarious nature, but also for the fact that it stands proudly above a valley, making it an ideal photo opportunity against the backdrop of the park. Delicate Arch is so well known in these parts, and so revered as a symbol of Utah, in fact, that it appears on the state's licence plates - so you can't even drive a car in this part of the country without being reminded of it. Unfortunately, as I may have already mentioned, this level of fame also draws unwanted attention from idiots and people with a political agenda - two groups who often overlap in my experience - and such people will come from miles around to flaunt the park rules and climb, lean on or otherwise mutilate this priceless landmark. As well as the aforementioned scaling of the arch by Mr Potter in 2006, a nature photographer by the name of Michael Fatali deliberately started a fire under the arch back in 2000 as part of a tutorial he was giving to a group of students on nighttime photography, resulting in serious scorching. I really hope he was charging his pupils a fortune for the course, because his actions resulted in a fine of nearly eleven thousand dollars, a criminal record and a period of probation. Believe me, you really don't want to mess with United States park rangers.

Other well known landmarks in the park include Double Arch, which was featured briefly at the beginning of the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and the rather more awe-inspiring Landscape Arch which, in my opinion, is hands down the most impressive arch in the park. If you can't work out why the former is called Double Arch, by the way, then I'm afraid I really can't help you. You only have to look at photographs to see how special Landscape Arch, as the longest single span natural arch in the world, is - it really does look like something from an alien world. Unfortunately, though, it probably won't be with us for much longer - so I'd rush to Utah and see it while you can - the entire span of Landscape Arch is now so thin that it really does seem quite likely that it will collapse under its own weight at any moment. In fact, since the 90s, three massive chunks of sandstone have fallen from the narrowest point, prompting the park to close the pathway that once ran directly underneath. So Landscape Arch really is on its last legs, and Rainbow Bridge over in Glen Canyon may get to take the crown yet...

It's not all about arches, though. Lots of people travel from miles around to view a large boulder which sits improbably on top of a thin pillar of rock, to which the park has given the strikingly original name "Balanced Rock". Have you ever noticed how otherwise highly intelligent individuals always seem to fall flat on their faces when it comes to something as simple as coming up with a name? Take a quick wander around any gallery showcasing world famous works by unimaginably talented artists such as Van Gogh or Picasso, and you'll start to see what I mean - these people have obviously slaved away for weeks, months or years creating a masterpiece for the world to enjoy for generations to come, but when it comes to giving it a title, all these geniuses can come up with is "Man with Dog" or "Two Girls on Bench". It defies belief. Salvador Dali, of course, went to the other extreme, as surrealists often do - he liked to give his paintings cool sounding names such as "Persistence of Memory" and then go on to paint a picture of watches melting on trees for no apparent reason. My favourite story regarding Dali, if I may digress further for a moment, is that he was once asked by a physicist whether his famous painting of the melting watches was inspired, as was generally thought, by Albert Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity which was still considered a relatively new concept at the time, if you'll pardon the pun. Dali, it seems, looked the physicist square in the eye and replied: "No, it is inspired by Camembert Cheese melting in the sun". You can't say fairer than that.

About Simon and Burfords Travels:

Simon Burford is a UK based travel writer. He will be re-publishing his travel blogs, chapters from his books and other miscellaneous rantings on these pages over the coming weeks and months, and the entry on this page may not necessarily reflect todays date.