Hi, it's time I sent some news from the home front.

That mad woman opposite gets worse! She came banging on my door late in the evening in the hope that Willow Stores were still open. This time she wanted matches. This worried me at first as I'm a law abiding person but it turns out that the mad woman wants to light a bonfire and has waited until it was dark so that no-one would know who was creating such a fug not to mention the stink. Anyway the police let her off with a caution-worse luck.
A few days later and she's banging on the door again. It turns out that she is cooking a "Pineapple" dish only to discover (after the shops have closed) that she hasn't any pineapples. Yea Gods! I have to open the store cupboard again and check all the cans. Well she had to make do with a couple of tins of apricots, so there!
I have to say that she has returned my apricots and suprise suprise my matches too, although by the look of what's left it must have been a windy night!

We have been invited to join them for dinner tonight, although this has cost me a large cauliflower and a box of Maltesers, and, of cours, the obligatory bottle of wine. Oh yes, and Maggie is busy cooking a rice pudding - a real one !!! Still, she's not so bad really.

It's been a great day today and I've spent part of it in the garden although I must confess that on this occasion I was fully dressed. Some of the plants are just beginning to show themselves which gives me renewed interest for the coming season. Your mum is also hard at it with what seems like hundreds of plants arriving daily. It's looking like Kew Gardens your side of the road. She puts me to shame.

Well, you and Clare seem to be having a great time and by the red dot on the map you are in or near New Zealand. can't help but envy you. (We are hoping to get to Brighton this year) Who knows, maybe one day we shall endure the long flight and see for ourselves.

I can see from the window that your mother is running across to me again - what is it this time ? probably not got any gravy. Must go, Luv, KEN. (and Maggie)

Help!! iv been locked in the house for 10 days solid now. Im not allowe3d to eat, sleep, drink, watch TV or anything else normal. i just have to revise. The only breaks iv had are when mum wants to give me a 'little talk'. i want to kill myself, although i can't cos the only thing i can touch are exercise books and pens. iv got so bored that iv been listening to the second busted album and actually know all the words. i feel like a seven year old girl. Talking of little girls mum has let me out to go and baby sit two girls in gretton. i thought that meant i could also see some friends, but obviously not. the word NO has been said to me over a thousand times.
Look another paragraph! My brain being messed up by all this work!! i havent booked the Thailand tickets yet. i don't know whether i should do it very early or very late. i also quite wanna go first class so might need to save up a bit. Anyway looks as though u guys are enjoying yourself. Just remember if u do get short on cash u can always do illegal activities. i reckomend becoming part of a huge organised gang cos iv just read a book on it and it sounds cool.

Ali (Total Ledgend/ Dj Funk Rap Master Humbo/ PIMP/ Anything else cool)
x

heyyaaaaaa!!! Hope your still havin a great time m8ty!! jus a quik lil msg to say hey, so hey. Hope your stayin safe, take care, luv vixy xxx

3 men are sitting in a sauna and they hear a bleeping sound. The American presses his arm and the bleep stops. "That was my pager, i have a microchip in my arm".....a few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese man puts his palm to his ear. "That was my phone, i have a microchip in my hand".......The Irish man, not to be outdone, goes to the toilet and returns with toilet paper hanging from his arse. The others stared at him....."I bjasus, will you look at that, i'm getting a fax"

Helloee lovely girlies!

After a certain Miss Kerchiss said I had to check out your super cool website I'm here like a flash! Well done for looking after yourselves and look so sickenly gorgeous (I'm currently sitting in my pj's at 4 in the afternoon feeling pasty, fat and rather sick- its currently raining and I've just finished eating a pizza...yes an entire one to myself....and maybe a bit of chocolate too :-( ooops!). Still working at St j's but have been being a typical cambridge girl and worked on the punts over Easter which has been a lorra lorra fun and now on my first day off in ages! Anyway just a quick note to say I'm thinking of you and that you are both SUPER and miss u lots!

Love and big cuddles bails xxx (aka binlady bailey, clarey!)

Hey Hey, how are we?? Still looking good I see! Beth, got a bit of a tan going on there, its all good and Clare you are looking scarily more tanned. Ali is a legend, I completely forgot this address but after one phone call to the Humberston household hey presto it appeared on my phone by the wonder that is Txt! Looks like you are having an awesome time but obviously due to the fact that we are still in Uppingham it can't be that great!! ;-) Uppingham has not changed in the slightest and I'm guessing that by the time you get back it still wouldn't have changed in the slightest. We can't imagine how anyone could call you pair ditsy or even think it, I mean look at you, not a blonde hair between you!! lol. Haley is right, Barnsdale is just not the same without you there Clare, i'm sure Graham will agree too! I mean who is there to throw in the pool now who actually likes it???
Beth, if you could enlighten Kieran on your shark experiences he would be most grateful as he to is not fond of the species either. Can't wait to see you in Oz, only 4 weeks till we leave, bring it on! Try and stay in one piece and preferably out of any Local Enforcement Hospitality. (Remember Beth that the handbrake goes down before you set off and up when you stop! ;-) ) Have Fun!!
Speak soon Rich and K xXxXx

Jambo wenches! Habari?? my swahili lessons so paid off... hope youre havin an amazin time.
now i really wanted to write on here that everyone should stop having a go at beth for her shoe problem, i have the same addiction, and its very hard to overcome, we all accept you as you are, wont you do the same for us? wont you let me live?? no but seriousely dude, YOU know my packin issues, reached a new high comin back from Kenya the other day, travellin wit 8 people 6 of which had to carry something for me, rangin from bags (full) to banjos... fun times... so glad kenya is so unorganised the weighing didnt really happen!
word of advice for your travels, whenever you check in on a plane remember to check the label on the bags! had slight incidence in Mombasa, had to send someone over the tarmac to check all the bags and identify one with wrong label, and lo and behind, whose bag did it turn out to be... sur-f***in-prise. Secondly try not to let your body acclimatise to the food, cos although you think its better so youre not ill out there ITS NOT! cos then you get home and english food doesnt agree wit you either... its jus not nice, i so did not sign up for this rural sorta lifestyle!
Will write again on this when have somethin intrestin to share, am off in a month to perfect my surfin skills in France wit my Kenyan crew (Bethy u know who i mean), im lik totly Kate Bosworth outa Blue Crush (must jus bag me an elf now.. was he an elf... hmmm), then I shall be off to Asia, and soon after hopefully seein you in good ol Oz! They wont know whats hit em!
Keep havin fun guys, and I wouldn't recomend climbin a mountain, its suprisingly difficult. But shoppin defo good - Vogue says the ethnic look is gonna be very in this summer, so stock up while youre in the best place to!
Kwaheri rafiki!
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Yo homies mums finally forced me to send a message to u sorry bunch. obviously iv been busy being a social legend. went skiing the first week and got very drunk, broke some nifty moves on the dance floor and also developed some amazing stylr of skiing. Then went to georgies and got properly tested. I had to meet the granny, go shooting with the family, play golf with the family, meet al the family friends and talk politics with the brother. All in all made easy cos i just lied through my teeth. After that went to a party held by cutting in london, didn't even have to pay cos im so smooth. jo sykes and joey yandel were there. Joey was cool. Jo was pissed and annoying (but im sure only cos she was pissed). Mum is now making me revise for the first time and im bricking myself, its horrible. Anyway enough of the only inportant gossip in Englands. U guys look like ur proper dogs (in the homie sense). u should of got 50 cent autograph... don't worry now, but next time u see any black guy who looks like a rapper snap him and run. Iv gotta go revise now so see u lads later. Lots of manly hugs Ali OOOOO
P.S. Claire try and get Beth to do some mental sports. (i reckomend shark fishing)

Hey Clare...& Beth.
As I heard from Clare and as I can see from the pictures you´re obviously having an amazing time. As we would say "Qué envia!"......
Anyways, I just wanted to say enjoy your time as best as u can.....and don´t do anything that I wouldn´t do ;-)
bye bye xxx

Hey Clare!! Hows it going? I hope you are well. Im just back from Edinburgh for a few weeks before exams, painting my room and doing general Slutland (its been renamed whilst you've been away) pastimes. We've just been looking at your photos and its so bizarre recognising places in Fiji, whereabouts did you stay in Nadi? Looks like the same beach...those hammocks...ahh!
How long are you in NZ for? If you are up for skydiving then you should do it in Taupo (N. island) because it is the cheapest and you do it over Mount DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM (LOTR) - ooooo! It was scary! Did you get my text? Was worried you didnt get it before you left.
What is your planned route? Are you spending any time in Asia? Cus if so then I have heaps and heaps of advice for you cus its not the easiest place to travel. Im so excited for you that you're hitting NZ the Kiwis are so lovely, much nicer than the Aussies, make the most of them!!
Let me know how you're getting on, take care, be safe and I'll write you a little something soon.
All my love

Rach xxxxxxxx

Hi babes glad your having fun....!! great photo's... miss you chatting me to death.. he he he and that big smile..
lots of love be safe.. Gray..xxx ;+)

hello! im missing you loads about to write you an email with all my news. im so jealous your out there only 22 days till i get to go yay! you look like ur having an amazing time. its so good to see all ur photos. speak to me soon. lots of love.xxx