Forty two bends along Owhiwa Road in Whangarei sits a little bit of heaven in the form of Eden House, where we are currently staying with our lovely hosts, Jane and Mike. But before we talk about our current whereabouts we must retrace our journey along Highway One back to Auckland and the arrival of Pat (Mummy Barnes) to Kiwi Land. You can do this in your mind using any form of transport you wish - may I suggest a piggyback ride on Harold Bishop from Neighbours....

G'day, Owing to the frightening turbulance on our Air Pacific flight our last ever meal could have been rubbery omlette and a sausage resembling a dog's penis. Thankfully we arrived safely in Auckland ready to face the world's toughest customs control. After ditching our teabags and beaver-skin bikini on the plane we had no trouble with biological checks, but the interrogation at Passport Control made the Spanish Inquisition seem just a little bit nosey by comp...

I thought it was special when Victoria wrote 'I Love Tom' in the sand; unfortunately she meant Tom Hanks, who filmed Castaway close to Mana Island, where we have been staying after nine days in Nadi. Back in Nadi, on Vitu Levu, the largest of the Fiji Islands, Tom Hanks would struggle to draw the fans that Victoria seems to have. At Travellers Beach the staff shout 'Victoria!' in high-pitched tones at any available opportunity - I'm surprised paparazzi from the ...

Bula, Our excitement at seeing the sunset over the beach on our arrival at the Nadi Travellers Beach Resort was only eclipsed by the revelation that there were baked beans on the breakfast menu. Lazing on the beach for the last few days has left Victoria one step closer to achieving her ambition of becoming the female Louis (refer to Rio blogs) and has already left me looking like a used Tampon. Fiji is so laid-back, it's like the Lime House on Prozac. Flip ...

Cordoba is famous for two things; constantly being confused with the Spanish city of the same name and 'The World's Most Pointless Barbecue'. It is not known as the birthplace of magician and light entertainer Paul Daniels. The WMPB was on the roof terrace of the Baluch* Backpackers Hostel. Barnes attended wearing the sleeping bag , which just a few days short of it's monthly wash is taking on a curious cabbage aroma. Everyone followed suit, wearing duvets and bl...